kids

Teaching Imagination

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The other night we attended my 12 year old son Liam’s choral concert at his school. Remarkably, we got all six kids fed, dressed and, as planned, we arrived early. That was a fairly remarkable feat considering that we rarely make it to church on time or anywhere else, to be totally honest. We were feeling pretty proud that we were able to choose our seats instead of squeezing into whatever few seats remained. The kids chose to sit way up at the top of the bleachers, so up we went. This was great until the novelty of the fidget spinners wore off and they began to get bored.

As we sat there in the enormous gymnasium my 9 year old Dan became the most vocal about his boredom. He asked if there was anything he could do. I said, “Use your imagination”.

“What do you mean?”

“Imagine that there is a whale in the middle of the room floating above the people down there.” He shot me a sideways, puzzled expression.

“How?” he asked.

I stopped for a moment and thought. Imagining things has always been easy for me. At least for as long as I can remember I’ve been able to imagine anything I could think of. But the imagination is almost a little short of what it is for me. When I think of something I can actually picture it. I can literally (with my eyes open) see what it is I am imagining. I’d always taken this somewhat for granted. I’ve used this to pick out paint colors as I could literally (in my mind) change the color of a room. I’ve used this in crafts, in carpentry, in almost everything. But I’d never stopped to think about how I would teach someone else how to do it.

“Okay” I started. “Close your eyes Dan.” And he did.

“Dan, imagine a whale in the ocean, a huge whale. Picture it…. Can you see it?” He nodded slightly before saying, “Yes”.

“Keep that whale in your mind. Okay Dan, now open your eyes.” I watched as his eyes slowly opened and he glanced over at me. “Now look over toward the middle of the room and picture that whale floating above the people.” I waited a moment and then asked, “Can you see it now?”

“Yes, I can see it now.” His voice was a combination of interest and mild excitement.

“Dan, now you can picture anything you want. That is using your imagination.”

I am pretty confident that I was more excited about the moment then he was. I am still excited about it. As a parent there are things I always anticipated having to teach my kids: a love for cheese, how to read, how to shave, how to drive, how to do algebra, how to swing an ax, but because I took the use of my imagination for granted I never thought I’d need to teach them how to use theirs. There is nothing quite like the feeling of teaching someone a real life skill, something that they can take with them anywhere. And when it is your kid, it is even more special. That special feeling and the idea of sharing in moments like those are what inspired me to want to be a teacher. I’m glad that despite my not being able to pursue that dream at this time in my life I can still have opportunities to be enveloped in that feeling of elated and excited fulfillment. I’m happy I can still teach as a parent.

Politeness. Manners. and kids.

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Every parent wants their kids to be respectful and polite toward others. I’ve seen a lot of parents struggle with frustration as their kids act out and don’t show that respect to teachers, pastors, family members and to their own parents. As an observant child I grew up witnessing childhood acts of rebellion and disrespect. I was a pretty decent kid and after brooding on this subject for years decided what I wanted to do with my children, so they wouldn’t end up being selfish disrespectful adults.

Everyone hears all the time that children are “like sponges”.  Until you have a child (or a career as a babysitter) it is hard to know that this means in the real world. Today I stubbed my toe and let fly, “SH!T” as the end of my toenail painfully broke off. Then David (2.5 years old) repeated the choice expletive. It was so much cuter when he said it but that is beside the point. I’d rather my kids not swear. This small example is how kids are like sponges. But let us expand this over two decades of a growing human being living with you seeing how you are. My kids will hear me swear, watch me tip waiters and waitresses, see how I treat their mother, see how I treat my mother, witness me at my best and my worst. You’re probably ‘Duh, so what?’ This is what:

When first meeting my daughter’s kindergarten teacher my wife and I were surprised to hear that she politely referred to her teacher as “mam”. “Yes Mam.” “No Mam” all of that. We were pretty sure at first she had our daughter confused with another child because we lived with her and that was NOT what we got from her at home. But she insisted that little Sophie was indeed our Sophie. That experience taught me something: that kids are little sponges. Now, you need to know the backstory. For years, for Sophie’s entire life actually, I have referred to her as “mam” and her brothers as “sir” (as well as a thousand other nick names I have for them). Sophie paid attention. And she learned respect from me giving her respect and from seeing me give respect to other adults because that is just how I taught myself to speak to people.

I’ve seen far too many parents, who instead of asking for help, make demands of their kids and don’t even say ‘thank you’ to them after. The lesson is simple: If you want your kids to act with respect, respect them as people. If you want them to be polite then they are first going to have to learn it from someone and that someone needs to be you. You are their example. They see how you treat the cashier, the waiter, the telemarketer, the in-laws, the pastor, the neighbor, your partner, your mother, their siblings and them. They are like sponges; give them compliments to absorb and respect to show and show politeness so they can mimic it. BE who you want them to be, not some slave driving, back biting, rude asshole. Don’t be that. Be a good person, so they can be one too.