Every parent wants their kids to be respectful and polite toward others. I’ve seen a lot of parents struggle with frustration as their kids act out and don’t show that respect to teachers, pastors, family members and to their own parents. As an observant child I grew up witnessing childhood acts of rebellion and disrespect. I was a pretty decent kid and after brooding on this subject for years decided what I wanted to do with my children, so they wouldn’t end up being selfish disrespectful adults.
Everyone hears all the time that children are “like sponges”. Until you have a child (or a career as a babysitter) it is hard to know that this means in the real world. Today I stubbed my toe and let fly, “SH!T” as the end of my toenail painfully broke off. Then David (2.5 years old) repeated the choice expletive. It was so much cuter when he said it but that is beside the point. I’d rather my kids not swear. This small example is how kids are like sponges. But let us expand this over two decades of a growing human being living with you seeing how you are. My kids will hear me swear, watch me tip waiters and waitresses, see how I treat their mother, see how I treat my mother, witness me at my best and my worst. You’re probably ‘Duh, so what?’ This is what:
When first meeting my daughter’s kindergarten teacher my wife and I were surprised to hear that she politely referred to her teacher as “mam”. “Yes Mam.” “No Mam” all of that. We were pretty sure at first she had our daughter confused with another child because we lived with her and that was NOT what we got from her at home. But she insisted that little Sophie was indeed our Sophie. That experience taught me something: that kids are little sponges. Now, you need to know the backstory. For years, for Sophie’s entire life actually, I have referred to her as “mam” and her brothers as “sir” (as well as a thousand other nick names I have for them). Sophie paid attention. And she learned respect from me giving her respect and from seeing me give respect to other adults because that is just how I taught myself to speak to people.
I’ve seen far too many parents, who instead of asking for help, make demands of their kids and don’t even say ‘thank you’ to them after. The lesson is simple: If you want your kids to act with respect, respect them as people. If you want them to be polite then they are first going to have to learn it from someone and that someone needs to be you. You are their example. They see how you treat the cashier, the waiter, the telemarketer, the in-laws, the pastor, the neighbor, your partner, your mother, their siblings and them. They are like sponges; give them compliments to absorb and respect to show and show politeness so they can mimic it. BE who you want them to be, not some slave driving, back biting, rude asshole. Don’t be that. Be a good person, so they can be one too.
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